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Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005. NIFTY NAMES FOR NECTARS OF THE GODS Or, do they really make wicked witty Wines from DeVines? By Theolonius McTavish, a man of mirth and good cheer not to mention a keen interest in finding just the right seasonal gift for impossible people or those who appear to have everything. If you're like me, you truly can't abide trundling through the stores at this time of year hunting for just the right seasonal gift for certain impossible people in your life, (you know .the cantankerous cubicle colleague or feisty family member you want to avoid at all costs). Fear not there is a simple solution at hand in the form of "naughty and nice" names when referring to nectars of the gods.

For those who enjoy dining at a table, there's always a selection of deliriously decadent drinks to accompany one's vittles, you know the ones with "big aromas", "full of body" just oozing all over with "flavor, spice and style"! To make a long story short, I've found the best way to separate the "hoi polloi" from the "hoity-toity" is to take a wee peek at the wicked wine labels appearing on the shelf of your favorite liquor store. The high-falutin, long-nosed snooty boot folks usually prefer wines with real corks and long foreign names to accompany their double crème brie, melted raclette, or a sheep's milk cheese with a reddish brown rind served on crunchy, multi-grained crackers or sliced French bread. The low-brow, pug-nosed types on the other hand often prefer casual "walkabout" wines (those with screw caps that can be served with home-made pizza or else "wild" ones synonymous with tossing lushness and refinement right out the door! To make purchasing wines with wicked, weird or just plain wicked names easy, two quaffing categories have been created, "Snippy/Snooty" and "Sassy/Spunky". We'll leave it up to readers to decide which personalities fit into which wine categories. Just make sure you pick up one of the following saucy stocking stuffers, 'cause you never know when a generously proportioned, sybaritic male with whiskers, dressed in a red tunic doing a lot of huffing and puffing not to mention far too many Ho Ho Hos may lose his memory one of these fine days.

So, without further ado.here's a ludicrously long list to get you started you on your way to a few DeVine Interventions: A -- Alibi White Blend - BlackHills Estate Winery (Canada) -- Angus the Bull, Cabernet Sauvignon (Australia) B -- Baby Duck (Canada) -- Bad Dog Red, Syrah Cabernet D'Oc, (France) -- Bad Dog White 2003, Sauvignon Chardonnay d'Oc (France) -- Barnadown Run 2002, Shiraz (Australia) -- Belle Glos "Clark & Telephone" 2003, Pinot Noir (U.S.

A.) -- Beyerskloof 2002 - Synergy (South Africa) -- Big House White - Bonny Doon Vineyard (U.S.A.) -- Big Yellow 2003 Cab, Cabernet Sauvignon (U.S.

A.) -- Blasted Church - Merlot, Chardonnay, Riesling, Syrah (Canada) -- Bloody Good White, Ca'del Solo (U.S.A.

) -- Blue Suede Chardonnay, Graceland Cellars (U.S.A.) -- Bommarito 2001, 2002, Cabernet Sauvignon (U.

S.A.) -- Bonaparte Bend Winery - Saskatoon Berry Wine (Canada) -- Bonny Doon 2003 Cardinal Zin (U.

S.A.) -- Boony Doon 2004 Clos de Gilroy (U.

S.A.) -- Bored Doe, Goats Do Roam Wine Co. (South Africa} -- Boss Cat, Chardonnay - Coopers Creek (New Zealand) -- Brakeman's Select Pinot Noir, Merlot, White Blend - Kettle Valley Winery (Canada) -- Brights - Spumante Bambino (Canada) -- Brokenwood 2002 Cricket Pitch Red (Australia) -- Bubbly Elderflower - Marley Farm Winery (Canada) -- Bug Juice Moscato d'Asti (U.S.A.

) C -- CabernAlien 2001, Cosmic CruZers (U.S.A.

) -- Cakebread 2004, Chardonnay (U.S.A.

) -- Camelot California 2002, Chardonnay (U.S.A.) -- Campbell's 2002 Bobbie Burns, Shiraz (Australia) -- Caputo 2002, Grego Ditufo (Italy) -- Cat's Pee on a Gooseberry Bush 2004 - Coopers Creek, Sauvignon Blanc (New Zealand) -- Chateau Troplong Mondot 2002 (France) -- ChardonnAlien 2002, Cosmic CruZers (U.

S.A.) -- Cigare Volant - Bonny Doon 2001 (U.S.A.

) -- Cloof Dustry Road Rose 2005 (South Africa) -- Conundrum 2003 (U.S.A.

) -- Cookoothama Nugan Estate 2000, 2003, Shiraz (Australia) -- Covey Run Yakima Valley 2001, 2002, Riesling (U.S.A.) -- Crocodile Chase (Australia) D -- Darling Cellars Black Granite Shiraz 2004 (South Africa) -- Derailer Pinot Gris/Red Blend - Kettle Valley Winery (Canada) -- Devil's Rock 2003, Riesling QBA (Germany) -- Dogajolo - Carpineto 2002 (Italy) -- Dog House 2004 - Charlie's Chardonnay (U.S.

A.) -- Dog House 2002 - Maxie's Merlot (U.S.A.) -- Dog House 2002 Checker's Cab (U.S.

A.) -- Domaine des Blagueurs Bonny Doon 1999, Syrah Sirrah (France) -- Domaine Grassa Easy Drinker 2004 (France) -- Drostdy Hof 2000, 2003 (South Africa) -- Duckhorn - Paraduxx 2001, 2002, (U.S.A.

) -- Duck Pond Cellars 2001, 2002, Pinot Noir (U.S.A.

) -- Dudley Partners Kangaroo Island - Porky Flat - Shiraz (U.S.A.) -- Dunavar Pinot Gris 2001, 2003 (Hungary) -- Dynamite 2002 Merlot - Dynamite Vineyards (U.S.A.

) E -- Eisbeerwein, Dessert Wine (Germany) -- Euphonium, Henschke Keyneton Estate (Australia) -- Elephant Island Fruit Winery - Dessert Apricot, Apple, Pear (Canada) -- Evolution - Sokol Blosser (U.S.A.

) F -- Fat Bastard 2003, Merlot, Chardonnay, Sauvigon Blanc (France) -- Fat Cat 2004, Chardonnay (New Zealand) -- Fifth Leg - Devil's Lair 2002, 2003 (Australia) -- Fireman's Red Blend - St. Hubertus Estate Winery (Canada) -- Flagstone Fish Hoek, Sauvignon Blanc (South Africa) -- Flatroof Man or Merlot 2004 (South Africa} -- Fogarty 2002 - Santa Cruz Mountain Cabernet Sauvignon (U.S.A.) -- Folie à Dieux 2004 Ménage à Trois, California Red (U.

S.A.) -- Foofaraw Amusing Red Blend - Hillside Estate Winery (Canada) -- Foofaraw Precocious White Blend - Hillside Estate Winery (Canada) -- Foppiano 2002 Sangiovese (U.

S.A.) -- Foxtrot Pinot Noir - Kettle Valley Winery (Canada) G -- Giant Steps 2002, Pinot Noir (U.S.A.) -- Glamour Puss Pinot Noir - Coopers Creek (New Zealand) -- Glenugie Winery - Gamay Noir, Pinot Noir (Canada) -- Gnarly Head 2004, Old Vine Zinfandel (U.

S.A.) -- Goat Rotie - Fairview 2003 (South Africa) -- Goats Do Roam In Villages - Fairview 2003 (South Africa) -- Goats do Roam Red - Fairview Winery 2003 (South Africa) -- Gray Monk - Latitude Fifty Select White 2003, 2004 (Canada) H -- Hardy's NV Whiskers Blake Port (Australia) -- Harper Hill Red Neck Red (U.S.

A.) -- Harper Hill White Trash White (U.S.

A.) -- Harper Hill Tiny Bubbles (U.S.

A.) -- Henkell - Trocken Piccolo Pack (Germany) -- Hidden Valley Agenda 2003, Pinotage (South Africa) I -- Idiom Viognier 2004, Whalehaven Wines (South Africa) -- Il Bastardo Sangiovese Toscana (Italy) -- Innocent Bystander 2003, Shiraz Viognier (U.S.

A.) -- Iron Horse 2002 Wedding Cuvee (U.S.A.) J -- JackaRoo 2003 Big Red (Australia) -- Jailhouse Red Merlot - Graceland Cellars (U.

S.A.) -- Jake's Fault 2003 Shiraz (Australia) -- Jest White - Jest Red Cellars NV (U.S.A.

) -- Just Ducky Blush - Westham Island Estate Winery (Canada) K -- Kapellenberg- Kruger Rumpf 2003, Riesling Kabinett Munsterer (Germany) -- Nk'Mip Quam Qwmt Meritage 2003 (Canada) -- Kaesler Old Bastard 2001, 2002, Shiraz (Australia) -- Kelly's Revenge 2003, Shiraz (Australia) -- Katnook Est. Wingara Coonawarra 2000, 2001, Cabernet Sauvignon (Australia) L -- Lady in Red Blush - Benchland Vineyards (Canada) -- Laughing Magpie 2003 - d'Arenberg, Viognier (U.S.A.) -- Laughing Stock Vineyards (Canada) -- Leaping Horse 2002, Merlot (U.

S.A.) -- Le Snoot 2002, Snob Hill Winery Merlot (U.S.A.

) -- Lillypilly Noble Blend 1999 (Australia) M -- MacRostie 2001 Wildcate Mountain Vineyard Syrah (U.S.A.) -- Mad Fish 2000, 2001, Shiraz (Australia) -- Marge 'n' Tina, Mendoza 1997 (Aregentina) -- Marilyn Merlot (U.S.A.

) -- Meerlust 1999, 2000 - Rubicon (South Africa) -- Merlot-Over-and-Play Dead (U.S.A.) -- Mia's Playground 2002 Russian River Valley Chardonnay (U.

S.A.) -- Mitchelton 2002 Airstrip (Australia) N -- Naked Grape, Merlot, Shiraz (Canada) -- Nepenthe 2004 The Tryst (Australia) -- Night Owl 2003, Pinot Noir (U.

S.A.) -- Nobilo 2004 Icon, Sauvignon Blanc (New Zealand) -- Noon Gun - Flagstone (South Africa) -- Nota Bene Blend - BlackHills Estate Winery (Canada) -- Notorius 2002 - Duca Di Castelmonte, Syrah di Sicilia IGT (Italy) O -- Obsession - Ironstone Symphony 2003, 2004 (U.

S.A.) P -- Paint Can Gift Box - Veuve Clicquot Ponsardin - Brut (France) -- Passion Peach, Scotch Block Farm Winery (Canada) -- Pear-A-Dise Pear - Puddicombe Estate Farms & Winery (Canada) -- Petite SirAlien 1997, Cosmic CruZers (U.S.

A.) -- Poachers Blend 2003 - St. Hallett (Australia) -- Pop Extra Dry - Pommery (France) -- Porcupine Ridge 2002, Syrah (South Africa) -- Ptomaine des Blagueurs 1996 (U.

S.A.) R -- Rancho Zabaco Dancing Bull 2001, 2002, Zinfandel (U.S.A) -- Red Bicyclette 2003, Chardonnay D'Oc (France) -- Reynolds Little Boomey 2003, 2004, Shiraz (Australia) -- RockBare 2003, Shiraz (Australia) -- Rocking Horse 2000, Monte Rosso Zinfandel (U.

S.A.) S -- St. Supery 2001, 2002, Sauvignon Blanc (U.

S.A.) -- Schloss Laderheim Light (Canada) -- Scraping the Barrel, Tempranillo (Spain) -- Seagull Shiraz 2004, Vin-X-Port (South Africa) -- See Ya Later Ping 2003 - Hawthorne Mountain (Canada) -- See Ya Later Ranch Ehrenfelser Icewine - Hawthorne Mountain (Canada) -- Seven Deadly Zins - Zinfandel 2003, Michael David Vine Lodi (U.

S.A.) -- Seven Heavenly Chards, Chardonnay (U.S.

A.) -- Shoofly Buzz Cat (U.S.A.

) -- Six Foot Six 2004, Pinot Noir (Australia) -- Smoking Loon 2002, 2003, Syrah (U.S.A.) -- Smoking Parrot (U.S.A.

) -- SnoGoos Blush - Westham Island Estate Winery (Canada) -- Splatese - Geil 2003, 2004, Riesling (Germany) -- Stag's Leap Winery 2001, Syrah (U.S.A.) -- Stones Throw Gewurztraminer - A Very Fine Winery, Lotusland Vineyard (Canada) -- Stickleback Red 2003 (Australia) -- Sticks 2004, Chardonnay (Australia) -- Stump Jump Red - D'Arenberg 2004 (Australia) -- Suckfizzle Margaret River 2000, Cabernet Sauvignon (Australia) -- SuperMerlova 2001, Cosmic CruZers (U.

S.A.) -- Sweet Caroline Blush - Scherzinger Vineyards (Canada) -- Sweetheart & Lapin Dessert Wine - Spiller Estate, (Canada) -- Sweet Scarlet Strawberry, Scotch Block Farm Winery (Canada) T -- Tatachilla Breakneck Creek 2002, Shiraz (Australia) -- Testarossa 2003 Sleepy Hollow Vineyard Chardonnay (U.

S.A.) -- The Chocolate Block - Boekenhoutskloof 2003 (South Africa) -- The Golden Egg Red Blend - Red Rooster Winery (Canada) -- The Hermit Crab - d'Arenberg 2004, Marsanne/Viognier (Australia) -- The King Cabernet Sauvignon - Graceland Cellars (U.S.A.) -- The Little Penguin 2003, Merlot (Australia) -- The Ruins Rose, Bon Cap Winery (South Africa) -- The Unpronounceabale Grape (Hungary) -- Therapy, Naramata Bench Pinot Gris 2004, Therapy Vineyards (Canada) -- The Wolftrap - Boekenhoutskloof 2004 (South Africa) -- Thirteenth Street Wine Co.

, Funk Vineyard Merlot, Pinot Noir, Riesling (Canada) -- Three Dog Vineyards Cabernet Sauvignon 1997 (U.S.A.) -- Tinhorn Creek - Merlot 2001, 2002 (Canada) -- Toad Hollow - Eye of the Toad (U.S.

A.) -- Tom Cat Merlot - Coopers Creek (New Zealand) -- Tott's - Brut (U.S.A.) -- Trockenbeerenauslese - Monchof 1996 (Austria) -- Tugwell Creek Meadery, Vintage Mead (Canada) -- Twin Fin 2002, Cabernet Sauvignon (U.

S.A.) -- Two Hands 2004 Bad Impersonator, Shiraz (Australia) -- Two Hands 2003 Gnarly Dudes, Shiraz (Australia) -- Two Hands 2003 Shovel Blanc, Merlot Cabernet Franc (Australia) -- Two Left Feet, Blossom Winery (Canada) U -- Undurraga, Merlot (Chile) V -- Vampire Cab & Merlot (U.S.A.

) W -- Wattle Creek Winery 2003, Mendocino Sauvignon Blanc (U.S.A.) -- White Lie 2004, Early Season Chardonnay (U.S.

A.) -- Wild Goose Vineyards & Winery, Pinot Noir, Chardonnay, Riesling (Canada) -- Wild Horse 2002 Cabernet Sauvignon (U.S.A.

) -- Wirra Wirra Church Block , Cabernet Shiraz Merlot 2002, 2003 (Australia) -- Wits End - Procrastinator 2004 (Australia) -- Woop Woop South Austsralia Shiraz 2002 (Australia) Y -- Yellowtail Reserve 2003 Chardonnay (Australia) Z -- Zed 2004, Sauvignon Blanc (New Zealand) -- Zingaro 2002, Zinfandel (U.S.A.) Suffice to say that you'll have lots of choice when it comes to selecting the appropriate one to take a drop or two, tipple to your heart's content, and possibly just raise your arm and toast everyone in the room (possibly until the cows come home). .

By: Theolonius McTavish


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