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Trump.com™ signs Executive Order making police brutaliity mandatory

Tue, 01 Aug 2017 12:04:09 GMT

After not being able to take Healthcare away from millions Trump.com™ is screaming and ranting at everyone in the Whitehouse. He has ordered immediate reprisals against all soft targets, particularly vulnerable groups that he couldn't strip he...

Ex US Military Transgenders always welcome at Jaggedone's "Nutters Beach Club!"

Sun, 30 Jul 2017 10:46:46 GMT

Newsflash from Jaggedone's "Nutters Beach Club" Sand in the pu$sy guaranteed! Just opened the doors for our weekend bash with Volga Olga performing live after we tie up her dangling, knee-knocking, boobs! They're a knockout knee-job! Our Ch...

Man sues to have gender on driver's license listed as Potato

Sat, 29 Jul 2017 18:25:31 GMT

A man is suing his local office of the Department of Motor Vehicles to have his gender listed as 'Potato' on his driver's license. Keith Spudd spent thousands of dollars having his skin tattooed the color and shading of a potato. In addition, he...

Trump Denounces Science, Announces New 'Age of Superstition'

Thu, 27 Jul 2017 23:06:25 GMT

Washington, DC President Donald Trump, in an obvious bid to create news that will take America's attention off the Trump Family Russian Investigation, denounced science again today. In a prepared statement delivered to the press by his new press secr...

After Bus Shortage Trump.com™ orders some el magnifico Under the Bus Presidential Cars to clear backlog.

Sat, 29 Jul 2017 00:39:40 GMT

After the reported shortage of available buses to be throwing Whitehouse staff under, Trump.com™ says he will solve the backlog problem with a more magnificent Under The Bus Trumpmobile™ The vehicle is said to have been designed by Tr...

Donald Trump Is Not A Bimbo

Thu, 24 Aug 2017 17:19:49 GMT

Just because he can't call an American Nazi a terrorist, or a white supremest a terrorist, the World International Society of Psychiatry and Stability, announced that they do not believe that Donald Trump's bone spurs, (the same bone spurs that secur...

Kim Kardashian Chastises Kim Jong-Un

Thu, 27 Jul 2017 22:48:28 GMT

Los Angeles, CA Kim Kardashian released statements regarding namesake North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un. "Now, this Kim from Korea, he had plenty of time after his Daddy died to pick a name other than Kim because a quick look at the TV or Internet...

Trump Signs Executive Order Banning Hurricanes and Earthquakes

Fri, 22 Sep 2017 02:38:09 GMT

Washington, DC "I got tired of all these disasters upstaging me and getting all the press. It was time SOMEBODY stood up and did something about all these hurricanes and earthquakes EVERY YEAR! Well, now it will be illegal for that to happen. TAKE TH...

Australians asked to vote on what century it is

Wed, 16 Aug 2017 12:48:09 GMT

The Australian government will issue a postal plebiscite (kind of a questionnaire for plebs) to ask Australians to vote on what the date is. Dogged by claims of being out of touch, Prime Minister Malarkey Bullshite indicated in federal parliament...

Rachel Maddow is the first to interview Donald Trump after he is impeached

Sat, 29 Jul 2017 11:59:48 GMT

YAZOO CITY FCC FEDERAL PRISON - In the sweltering heat of Mississippi, feeling a lot more like lying in Deep South boiling mud rather than its stagnant and fiery air, MSNBC's Rachel Maddow and Donald Trump sat inside the cafeteria of a federal prison...

Bank Robbing Tip 37: Don't Forget to Run in the Street Naked

Sun, 30 Jul 2017 01:18:30 GMT

As if we couldn't make this up ourselves, our attention unfortunately goes down to Florida the Sunshine State. The place where women run around in bikinis and the toughest decision one has to make is which beach to go to with your friends. A stat...

Congress Is Preparing to Reject and Replace the Republic

Fri, 28 Jul 2017 21:42:35 GMT

Congress had so much fun replacing, and reinforcing, then retaining the nation's healthcare system that law makers are considering doing the same for the entire country. The program will be called Wreck, Revise, Resurrect and Rollin' Down the River.

Trump.com™ launches pre-emptive nuclear attack on Guam after he heard it on Fox & Friends it was part of the North Korean problem

Tue, 22 Aug 2017 11:51:25 GMT

Trump.com™ is said to very upset that North Korea is ignoring his deathly powerful tweets and his tiny ego is so incensed he has ordered a nuclear strike against Korean territories in Guam. It has been confirmed that Guam as we know it is ba...

Dull, Boring, and Bland Travel Tips

Fri, 28 Jul 2017 20:09:16 GMT

If you are planning a vacation this year there are many jovial and fascinating places you could go in the world! Every trip you grow from and cherish for years to come. I still talk about the time I spent in Spain when I was in high school. Drinking...

Donald Trump tweets tribute to Bruce Forsyth

Sat, 19 Aug 2017 07:02:52 GMT

President Trump has used his Twitter account to express his deep sadness at the death of veteran British entertainer Sir Bruce Forsyth, who died yesterday at the age of 89. Sir Bruce has been a star of British television for decades and much-loved...

Man Discovers Secret to Retail Revival

Tue, 01 Aug 2017 20:35:10 GMT

Who knew it could be so easy? One man has a unique solution to stop the onslaught of retail stores from shuttering their windows and locking their doors. He is formulating a follow-up plan to prevent tumbleweeds from rolling across barren mall pa...

Trump Promises Cheap Accidental Death Insurance to the 22 Million Cut Off Under His Proposed Health Plan

Fri, 28 Jul 2017 02:04:57 GMT

Washington, D.C. "I'm telling you," said Trump. "This is a real good deal. I've gotten one of the companies I own to offer accidental death insurance at a FANTASTIC rate to anyone who has lost their health insurance!" "This is really a once-in-a-l...

Steve Bannon fired by Trump, schedules mystery appearance on...America's Got Talent!

Sun, 30 Jul 2017 04:45:25 GMT

In breaking news on CNN tonight, the network is reporting that an anonymous source has told Anderson Cooper that President Donald Trump fired Stephen Bannon this morning via Tweet. Thousands of Trump supporters who originally backed Trump because of...

Fake news journalist nearly accidentally writes the truth

Mon, 21 Aug 2017 14:26:44 GMT

Fake news journalist Edgar Blyton, not his real name, came close to accidentally publishing a true story last week in Illustrated Lies Magazine. "It's not that I intended to write the truth" the fake Blyton said, "I was in the middle of writing some...

O.J. Simpson Will Be the New Secretary of Commerce

Fri, 28 Jul 2017 01:38:46 GMT

Washington, DC Trump's new Secretary of Commerce will be O.J. Simpson announced the new White House Press Secretary. "President Trump feels that O.J. has had a lot of commerce experience, what with his running through the airports for Hertz, and...

Civil War Monuments are uprooting themselves and fleeing the onslaught of the Neo-Nazis

Thu, 17 Aug 2017 13:31:47 GMT

After the recent Charlottesville massacre many civil war monuments have decided to pack up camp and make a run ahead of the waves of Neo-Nazis. It appears even the blood lust slavers of the Old South can't stand the odor of the new wave of US Neo-Na...

North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-Un Confesses About Missing Wife

Fri, 28 Jul 2017 00:32:24 GMT

Pyongyang, North Korea Speculation about the missing spouse of portly North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un finally lead to a statement from Kim's public relations office. "Mr. Kim says that he was very sorry, especially since he knows how much the co...

Fire And Fury Was A Spell-Check Typo, Says Trump

Fri, 11 Aug 2017 17:49:13 GMT

It would appear that everyone misunderstood President Trump's threats to North Korea, when he said, "They will be met with fire, fury and frankly power the likes of which this world has never seen before." Reacting to provocative nuclear missile t...

Americant Airlines to double passengers per flight with THIS

Sun, 30 Jul 2017 03:03:13 GMT

Washington D.C. - The Federal courts have cleared the way for Americant Airlines to use THIS new invention to double passenger payload. The Federal courts have cleared the way for Americant Airlines to use THIS new invention to double passenger pa...

McDonut's burgers found to have traces of meat

Sat, 19 Aug 2017 07:31:45 GMT

Following claims by the McDonut's chain that their burgers are more nutritious than a rump steak, the International Standards Association conducted a scientific analysis of their burgers globally. The summarised results show the following slightly wo...

Trump Continues to Create Fake News to Obscure Russian Investigation

Thu, 27 Jul 2017 19:28:59 GMT

Washington, DC President Trump continues to make news that is obviously intended to obscure the negative results reported by the investigation. "The transgender in the military ruling" is an obvious smokescreen. Trump will do and say anything to g...

Latest Terrorist Plot to Destroy US Democracy - Join the Whitehouse and follow Trump.com™ Policy

Thu, 27 Jul 2017 23:32:28 GMT

The terrorists are finally figuring out that bombs and head chopping is small time terrorism. Inspired by his holy, most magnificent, eminence el Presidente they are going to get jobs in the Whitehouse to advance their nefarious plans for US destruc...

Trump.com™ new 4 Star General CoS declares Martial Law and Shoot to Kill - On Sight - all Leakers in the White House

Mon, 31 Jul 2017 14:34:57 GMT

With the White House leaking like the Titanic after head butting an iceberg the military has been called in to restore order. The new 4 star general just appointed CoS has declared marital law and authorized the use of deadly force against suspect...

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