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Rob Pattinson's Latest Movie "James Bond - Doing The Do In Dubai" Also Stars The Sexy Trio of Megan Fox, Scarlett Johansson, and Charlize Theron

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 05:02:24 GMT

HOLLYWOOD - The star of the Twilight series Rob Pattinson has announced that his latest movie James Bond - Doing The Do In Dubai has opened to rave reviews. Pattinson said that he really enjoyed working with the legendary director Martello Pellagr...

Madonna Embalmer Awarded Super Bowl MVP

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 16:45:17 GMT

BILLINGSGATE POST - Despite his second-half heroics, Eli Manning could not overcome the lead built by Madonna during the half-time show yesterday and fell short in his bid to win his second Super Bowl MVP award. Instead, "Embalmer to the Stars," Whi...

Gingrich, Santorum, Paul - You're Fired - I'm going for MITM, declares Donald Trump

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 16:16:53 GMT

Donald Trump's endorsement of Mitt-in-the-Mouth Romney came as some surprise, but it is understood from an inside source that MITM transferred a Swiss bank account to the multibillionaire businessman. In a short statement, he said, "Mitt is the...

Mitt Romney Promises to Fix Safety Net In His Spare Time

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 18:35:53 GMT

To alleviate fears that Mitt Romney is out of touch with the American poor, staffers today fanned out around the country to deliver soundbites designed to show how much he really cares: Las Vegas - "Mitt really does care about the safety net. He h...

Lana Del Ray axed from the Superbowl

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 10:09:52 GMT

The new singing sensation Lana Del Rey has been dramatically axed from the superbowl half-time entertainment this weekend after organisers discovered she is actually a part-time drag artist called Eliza Ray Grunt. The ruse was discovered after an...

Gary Busey's Frantic 911 Call: "Hello Earth, This Is Gary Busey and I'm Calling From Jupiter"

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 05:37:28 GMT

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Well it is now official, Gary Busey has just taken over the nickname of "The Space Cadet" from Charlie "No Show" Sheen. According to reports published in The Tinsel Town Times Tribune, Fajita San Guacamole wrote that while Gary's...

X-Factor's Simon Cowell Trying To Lure Ryan Seacrest Away From American Idol

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 03:10:49 GMT

LOS ANGELES - Simon Cowell, AKA "The British Bulldog" and X-Factor mogul says that the reason he fired Paula Abdul, Nicole Scherzinger, and Steve Jones is simply because they just didn't bring their "A" game. Cowell who many say has the Midas Touc...

President Obama to sing at The Superbowl

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 13:30:46 GMT

President Obama has been asked to sing at the Superbowl during the half-time break after organisers saw his 'Al Green moment' last week. Michelle Obama appeared on the Jay Leno show this week and told the host "he never stops singing to me - the c...

Obama's Economic Growth Plan - Fire 80,000 in US Military

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 06:02:08 GMT

WASHINGTON, DC - In his State of The Union Address, President Obama praised US troops for their hard work, competence, honor, selfless service, and ability to exceed expectations. Afterward, he announced that he would fire 80,000 members of the US Ar...

The Twilight Saga Midnight Sun

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:19:22 GMT

Twilight Saga superstar and teen heart throb Robert Pattinson has spilled the beans on confidential information regarding the the twilight series. During an interview with Regis and Kelly on friday night pattinson let slip that what was thought to be...

Heidi Montag Confesses That Being A Sex Symbol Has Its Negative Sides

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 13:56:48 GMT

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Heidi Montag recently stated that she knew she had made the "Big Time" last year when she appeared in Staccato Monteverdi's The Naked Cougar of Cucamonga with Rob Pattinson. Montag was talking to Carolina Chipotle of Bedroom Pillo...

Vice-President Joe Biden To Guest Star With Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder On The Vampire Diaries

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 04:12:39 GMT

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Loretta L. Luftnagle, a spokesperson for The Vampire Diaries, has just informed the entertainment media that Vice-President Joe Biden has agreed to appear in an upcoming episode of the popular television series. Vampire Diaries...

Nancy Pelosi on Newt Gingrich: The 'something' she knows

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 18:48:00 GMT

WASHINGTON, DC --- Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi has told close friends what the "something" is she knows about Newt Gingrich, as a result of her, having served on the investigative committee that looked into ethics charges against the former House Sp...

Miraculously Woman With Two Vaginas Locates Man With Two Penises

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 16:28:39 GMT

Dating is a slipper slope in the best of circumstances but add a little adversity to the situation and it could seem almost impossible to find a suitable mate. Well a woman with a malady that could be considered a little adversity has found the pe...

Too many Superpacks cause slips of the tongue, admits Romney

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 15:56:23 GMT

Nevada: Mitt-in-the-mouth Romney blames the differing policies of his numerous Superpacks for confusing him, and that is why his public gaffs are being debated in all the media. There are billions of dollars being spent by groups of his friends to sh...

Nina Dobrev and David Duchovny Get it On in Red Shoe Diaries

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 14:25:44 GMT

HOLLYWOOD - It's no secret that Vampire Diaries leading lady, Nina Dobrev, has the hots for X-Files FBI Agent Fox Mulder, David Duchovny. "Forget Ian Somerhalder," Nina was overheard saying at a restaurant this past weekend. "I got my sight set on...

Barack Obama's Original Birth Certificate Found In Bin Laden's Safe: Buried At Sea

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 04:55:09 GMT

BILLINGSGATE POST: Although most insiders believe that President Obama ordered SEAL Team 6 to execute Osama Bin Laden because of the upcoming Presidential election this November, BILLINGSGATE private investigator, Detrick "Dirty Trick" Detwiler, unc...

Real Madonna Appears At Superbowl Halftime Show, Smokes Weed

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 14:35:19 GMT

Indianapolis, IN-- Superbowl fans had a rare treat yesterday, when the real Virgin Mary decided to appear with Madonna during the half time show. The Blessed Virgin Mary was in a funky mood, and sang a few duets with the Material Girl before ascendi...

Romney admits he doesn't understand what 'poor' means

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:14:57 GMT

On CNN his morning, GOP frontrunner Mitt-in-the-Mouth Romney tells presenter Solidad O'Brian that the concept of 'poor' is not within his vocabulary or comprehension. "I have never met a poor person," he admitted, "Where do they live? Are they ne...

Prohibition Of Sugar Beginning January 1st, 2013 - Stay Puft Marshmallow Man In Sugar Induced Coma

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 01:34:24 GMT

Washington DC: President Obama has just signed America's new prohibition bill into law. This law is similar to the 1920s and 1930s alcohol prohibition that restricted and set down the rules for enforcing the ban on alcohol, as well as defining the ty...

Time/space travel a reality admits United Nations

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:22:05 GMT

Ny Nyson, NY, NY: Yesterday evening I was very privaliged to be shown the transporter room deep in the undercofts of the United Nations Building complex. I can attest that it is no longer 'Star Treck' fiction, although for the forseeable future, it w...

Barstuck's to Begin Serving Medicinal Marijuana for Happy Hour

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 01:21:16 GMT

Barstuck's Cafe today announced that it will begin serving Medicinal Marijuana in specially selected Barstuck's fitted with small smoking rooms. On the heals of recent trials of serving beer and wine, Barstuck's official said it was just a natural p...

Chavez OKs New Venezuela Disneyland

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 12:11:34 GMT

CARACAS, VENEZUELA -- President Hugo Chavez today approved construction of the controversial "Che Guevara Disneyland," a $500 million entertainment facility that will include a special Guerrilla Land in addition to Disney's more typical facilities su...

Profanity Added to 'The Wizard of Oz' for New Generation

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 22:04:23 GMT

HOLLYWOOD - In a bid to keep the property successful and relevant in the 21st Century, Turner Entertainment announced this week that the classic film The Wizard of Oz will be augmented with obscene language in preparation for a Summer theatrical rele...

Mitt Romney's houses burned down - 'very poor people blamed'

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 22:29:50 GMT

The American 2012 Republican nomination process took a twist today when the three houses owned by Mitt Romney all mysteriously burned to the ground. The incidents come just days after an interview when Romney told a foxy news presenter Dorothy Foxy t...

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Spotted At The Super Bowl - He Was Cheering For The Giants And She Was Cheering For The Patriots

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 13:45:17 GMT

INDIANAPOLIS - Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez were at Super Bowl XLVI (46) and they were both ecstatic that for once the focus was not on them but on the football field where the New York Giants defeated the New England Patriots 21-17 to become the S...

President Obama Is Seriously Considering Dumping Joe Biden and Having Bill Clinton Run As His 2012 Vice-President

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 05:50:34 GMT

WASHINGTON, D.C. - There are some political rumblings in the White House concerning Vice-President Joe Biden and the fact that he may not be on the 2012 Presidential ticket with President Obama. Sinclair Petaluma with The Political Salad Bar is re...

Superbowl Suicide Bomber Story Causes Homeland Security Keyword Intelligence Computer To Crash

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 22:04:32 GMT

The Google backed super intelligence gathering computer, housed in a secret location in Northern Virginia, designed to pick up key words in e-mails and blogs such as "terrorist", "bomb", "nuclear", "suicide bomber", "superbowl", "muslim" and "attack"...